FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY AM I PAYING A "CONVENIENCE FEE"?
I'm buying the ticket myself. I'm entering my own information. I'm using my own computer. I'm doing all of the work.
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THE COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT
60 GRIPES ON FILE
DAILY GRIPE ARCHIVE
A collection of old daily gripes. Because some complaints deserve to live forever.
60 GRIPES
FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DOES EVERY APP NEED AN ACCOUNT?
I just wanted to use the app. I did not want to create an account, verify my email, choose a password, answer three questions, agree to seventeen pages of terms, and begin recei...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
STOP ASKING ME TO TIP BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING
I haven't received the food yet. We haven't established that my order is correct. Nobody has carried anything anywhere. In some cases, I haven't even finished paying. Yet someho...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY IS CANCELING HARDER THAN SIGNING UP?
Signing up required one button and a credit card. Canceling requires logging in, finding Account Settings, opening Billing, clicking Manage Subscription, declining three special...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE SELF-CHECKOUT IS ASKING TOO MUCH OF ME
Scan the item. Bag the item. Look up the produce. Enter the quantity. Place item in bagging area. UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA. Now I need an employee to approve the work I'm...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DOES THE DRIVE-THRU SCREEN ASK FOR A TIP?
I drove here. I'm sitting in my own car. I ordered through a speaker. I'm going to reach through a window and take the food myself. And now the screen is asking whether I'd like...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
PLEASE STOP PUTTING QR CODES WHERE MENUS USED TO BE
I sat down at a restaurant and asked for a menu. Instead, I was shown a small square that requires my phone, a camera, an internet connection, a browser, and enough battery life...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
YOUR PASSWORD REQUIREMENTS HAVE GONE TOO FAR
Eight characters. One uppercase letter. One lowercase letter. A number. A symbol. Not that symbol. Also it can't resemble any password you've used since 2007 and apparently can'...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE A SUBSCRIPTION NOW?
Software used to be something you bought. Now everything wants a monthly payment. Apps. Cameras. Doorbells. Cars. Printers. At this rate my refrigerator is eventually going to s...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE SKIP INTRO BUTTON SHOULD APPEAR IMMEDIATELY
I've watched six seasons of this show. I know the actors. I recognize the song. I've seen the dramatic slow-motion shot of the building approximately sixty-three times. You don'...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY IS THERE A COMMERCIAL AT THE GAS PUMP?
I'm standing outside pumping gasoline that I'm already purchasing from your business. Then the pump suddenly starts yelling at me about energy drinks, car washes, and today's en...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
STOP MAKING ME ACCEPT COOKIES ON EVERY WEBSITE
Every website begins the same way now. Before I can read the sentence I came for, a giant box appears asking me to accept cookies, manage preferences, reject optional cookies, r...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY ARE HOTEL CHECK-IN AND CHECKOUT TIMES SO FAR APART?
Checkout is 11 AM. Check-in is 4 PM. That's five hours where the room apparently enters another dimension while someone replaces two towels and puts the decorative pillows back ...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE SERVICE FEE NEEDS TO EXPLAIN WHAT SERVICE IT PROVIDED
Ticket: $25. Service fee: $11. Processing fee: $4. Facility fee: $3. I would like an organizational chart showing which fee did what.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DOES MY SMART TV NEED AN UPDATE RIGHT NOW?
I turned on the television because I wanted to watch television. Instead I'm looking at Updating... 23%. Apparently tonight I have been promoted from viewer to unpaid IT adminis...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DOES THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE ASK ME TO ARRIVE 15 MINUTES EARLY?
Please arrive 15 minutes before your appointment. So I do. Then I sit there for another 38 minutes while daytime television slowly removes years from my life.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
STOP CHANGING WHERE THE BUTTONS ARE
I finally learned where everything is. Then an update arrives and somebody has moved the button I use every day into a new menu because apparently familiarity was becoming dange...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY IS THE SMALL DRINK THE SIZE OF A BUCKET?
I'd like a small drink. Certainly. Here is 32 ounces of liquid in a container roughly the size of a household appliance. Apparently beverage sizing has completely lost contact w...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DO I HAVE TO DOWNLOAD YOUR APP TO GET THE NORMAL PRICE?
The item is $8.99. Or it's $4.99 if I download the app, create an account, verify my email, join the rewards program, activate the offer, and scan something at checkout. That do...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE RECEIPT DOES NOT NEED TO BE THREE FEET LONG
I bought three things. The receipt includes my purchases, rewards balance, survey invitation, return policy, coupons, advertisements, legal disclosures, and what appears to be t...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY IS THE MUSIC LOUDER THAN THE DIALOGUE?
Two characters whisper. I turn the volume up. EXPLOSION. I turn the volume down. More whispering. For the next two hours, apparently my job is to operate the volume controls.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
STOP ASKING ME TO ROUND UP
Would you like to round up your purchase for charity? Maybe. But I have questions about why the giant corporation and I are suddenly partners in philanthropy and my contribution...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DOES FORGOT PASSWORD SOMETIMES REQUIRE THE PASSWORD?
I clicked Forgot Password for a very specific reason. Then the website asks me to confirm my current password before changing it. I feel like we have misunderstood the nature of...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE AUTOMATIC FAUCET HAS DECIDED I DON'T DESERVE WATER
Hands under faucet. Nothing. Move left. Nothing. Move right. Nothing. Wave dramatically. Nothing. Pull hands completely away and suddenly the faucet produces enough water to irr...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DO DELIVERY ESTIMATES SAY BY 10 PM?
Your package will arrive today by 10 PM. That's not an estimate. That's just today's date with a bedtime attached to it.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
STOP HIDING THE PRICE
I'm looking at the product page. There are twelve photos, six paragraphs about the company's mission, testimonials, a video, three awards, and a button that says Get Started. Th...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DOES THE MICROWAVE BEEP THIS MUCH?
Beep. Your food is ready. Thank you. Beep. Your food is still ready. Yes. Beep. I notice you have not collected your food. I'M COMING.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DOES THE CAR BEEP AT ME FOR EVERYTHING?
Door open. Beep. Seat belt. Beep. Lane line. Beep. Key nearby. Beep. Temperature low. Beep. At this point the car and I are in a relationship where it communicates exclusively t...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DOES THE WEBSITE CHAT BOX COVER THE THING I'M TRYING TO READ?
I open the website. Immediately a box appears in the bottom corner. Hi! How can I help you today? Well, you could start by not covering the button I came here to click.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
STOP ASKING ME TO REVIEW SOMETHING I JUST BOUGHT
Thanks for your purchase! How would you rate your experience? I ordered it eleven minutes ago. The product is currently somewhere in a warehouse. My entire experience so far is ...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
MY PHONE NEEDS AN UPDATE THE MOMENT I NEED IT
I picked up my phone to do one simple thing. Instead I got an update notice, a restart request, and a reminder that apparently the device has plans of its own. Why are updates n...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE APP LOGGED ME OUT FOR NO REASON
I opened the app I use all the time and was greeted by a login screen. Nothing changed. I did not log out. The phone is the same phone. Yet here we are rebuilding trust from scr...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DOES BLUETOOTH CONNECT TO THE WRONG THING?
I want the headphones connected to my phone. Bluetooth has instead found the car, the speaker in another room, and something called Living Room TV. The headphones remain emotion...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE CAPTCHA DOES NOT BELIEVE I AM HUMAN
Select all squares with traffic lights. Fine. Does the tiny corner of the pole count? Is that blurry thing a bicycle? Why am I suddenly defending my humanity to a grid of grainy...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE WEBSITE FORGOT WHAT I PUT IN THE CART
I spent twenty minutes choosing everything. Then I clicked checkout and the cart was empty. Not one item. Not even an apology. Just the digital equivalent of a blank stare.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DOES THE APP ASK FOR NOTIFICATIONS BEFORE I USE IT?
I opened the app for the first time. Before I even know what it does, it wants permission to send me notifications. We have known each other for six seconds.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE WEBSITE TIMED OUT WHILE I WAS READING IT
I was reading the page. Apparently reading does not count as activity, because the site logged me out for being inactive. I was literally looking at you.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
MY PHONE ROTATES THE SCREEN AT THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME
I'm reading something normally. I shift slightly on the couch and suddenly the screen flips sideways, the page jumps, and everything moves. Then when I actually want landscape m...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DOES EVERY DEVICE NEED ITS OWN CHARGER?
This device uses USB-C. That one uses micro USB. Another wants a barrel plug from 2009. Some cables charge. Some transfer data. Some simply look useful while doing nothing.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE TOUCHSCREEN BUTTON IS TOO SMALL FOR HUMAN FINGERS
There is a tiny X in the corner. I tap it and open the ad. I try again and open another page. On the third attempt I apparently subscribe to something. The X is approximately th...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE SALE PRICE REQUIRES A MEMBERSHIP
The sign says $5.99. At the register I learn that price is only for members, app users, rewards participants, or people willing to provide a phone number. So the price is not re...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE STORE HAS TWELVE CHECKOUTS AND TWO OPEN
There are twelve checkout lanes. Two are open. One has six people. The other has a cart that appears to contain supplies for an entire wedding. The remaining ten lanes are decor...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE ITEM IS IN STOCK ONLINE BUT MISSING IN REAL LIFE
The website says In Stock. I drove to the store. I checked the shelf. I checked the endcap. An employee checked the back. The item appears to exist only philosophically.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE FREE SHIPPING THRESHOLD IS ALWAYS FIVE DOLLARS AWAY
My cart is $45.27. Free shipping starts at $50. So now I am shopping for a random object I do not need in order to save money by spending more money.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DO I HAVE TO ENTER MY PHONE NUMBER TO BUY SOCKS?
Would you like to enter your phone number? No. Email address? No. Join rewards? I am buying socks. We do not need to stay in touch.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE LEFT LANE HAS BECOME A SIGHTSEEING LANE
The left lane is moving slower than the right lane. Nobody is passing anybody. We are simply traveling in a perfectly matched formation while traffic builds behind us.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DOES EVERY RED LIGHT KNOW I AM LATE?
Running early? Green lights everywhere. Running late? Every signal turns red six seconds before I arrive. At this point I assume the traffic lights share information.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE TURN SIGNAL IS APPARENTLY OPTIONAL NOW
A car moves three lanes over without signaling. No warning. No indication. Just a sudden decision that apparently the rest of us were expected to sense.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE GPS SAID TURN AFTER I PASSED IT
In 500 feet, turn right. Great. Then silence. Then, as I pass the road: Turn right. Excellent timing.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE CAR IN FRONT IS TEXTING AT THE GREEN LIGHT
The light turns green. Nothing happens. Five seconds pass. Eight seconds. Finally the car moves just as the light begins thinking about yellow.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE DRIVE-THRU LINE IS LONGER THAN THE RESTAURANT
The drive-thru wraps around the building. Inside, there are three people. I could park, walk in, order, leave, and possibly finish eating before the car ahead reaches the speake...
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY IS THE LOW FUEL LIGHT SO JUDGMENTAL?
I know the tank is low. The gauge already told me. The estimated range told me. Now a glowing light has joined the conversation. Everybody in the car is aware.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE SPEED BUMP IS BUILT LIKE A SMALL MOUNTAIN
Some speed bumps gently encourage slower driving. This one appears designed to test suspension components and launch loose change from the cup holder.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DOES THE HOTEL KEY STOP WORKING?
The key worked this morning. Now I'm standing in the hallway swiping it six different ways while the little light flashes red with increasing confidence.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE AIRPORT GATE CHANGED TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TERMINAL
Gate B12. Fine. Then the screen changes to D37, which appears to be located in another climate zone. Boarding begins in fourteen minutes.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DOES BOARDING HAVE NINE GROUPS?
Pre-board. Priority. Group 1. Group 2. Families. Special status. More groups. By the time my number is called, I feel like I missed an orientation session.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE HOTEL PILLOW IS EITHER A CLOUD OR A BRICK
One pillow disappears completely under my head. The other has the structural integrity of a retaining wall. There is apparently no middle pillow.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY DOES THE SHOWER CURTAIN ATTACK ME?
The shower starts. Then the curtain slowly moves inward like it has been waiting for this moment. I spend the next ten minutes fighting damp plastic.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
THE RESTAURANT TABLE IS DIRECTLY UNDER THE AIR CONDITIONER
The food is hot. I am not. A vent directly above the table is producing enough cold air to preserve seafood for transport.
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FROM THE GRIPE FILES
WHY IS THE RESTAURANT MUSIC SO LOUD?
I came here to eat with people. Apparently conversation now requires leaning across the table and yelling directly into someone's face while a bass line shakes the silverware.
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NO GRIPES FOUND.
Apparently Pat hasn't complained about that yet.